i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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