Small penises have feelings too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
