nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
