I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
