Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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