i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
