Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
