is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
