I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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