Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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