Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
