i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
