Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize