There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
