i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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