ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
