drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
