things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
