ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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