Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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