So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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