I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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