the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
