i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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