that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
