What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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