her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
