all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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