im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
