Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
