Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have aggressive nipples.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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