Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
