I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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