I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
