I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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