Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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