Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize