Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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