apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
