i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
