Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
