Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
