girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
