Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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