Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
