i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize