Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You smell like stripper and shame
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
