omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
