Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
