I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
