i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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