I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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