I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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