dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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