You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
