I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
