So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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