Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
