During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
