Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
