just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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