how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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