I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
