Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize