The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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