Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
