i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
