so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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