My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
