I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
