I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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