I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize