Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
