Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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