wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
