We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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