I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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