i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
