I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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