If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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