I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
