But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
