If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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