You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just googled if crying burns calories
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
