I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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