she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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