i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
