whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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