Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
