I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
