lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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