Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
