...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
