I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
