When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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