i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
