can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He better not be in your backpack
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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