Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
