Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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