i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of course I have a pirate flag
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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