Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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