Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
