Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
