can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
