her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
