Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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