She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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