How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
