we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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