Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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