allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
