I'm passing your future prison.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize