Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
