Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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