i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we're so committed to being not committed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
