I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
